'You' and 'us'

Probably for the first time since I've been in Scotland (now nearly 4 years), I got 'you and us'-ed on Sunday evening. 'You', the English; 'us', the Scots. And, as usual, I got upset. But why?

Why am I not proud of being English, I was asked. On reflection, I think I am. But I am only proud of those aspects of English culture that I have decided to integrate as part of my own identity. For me, pride has only ever made sense when it refers to something in which I might have played a decisive part, and never (or rarely) simply by association. So nationalism, where my part is just too small to be of any importance, or feeling a sense of pride when my local team - or even my swimming club - won a competition, always puzzled me. And pride in the history of this country was always complete nonsense: I wasn't even born!

Of course, if I were to take the 'personal implication' to its extremes, then I would have to claim that I could be proud of my children, but not of my parents (unless their actions were due to me in some way). But if I can be ashamed of my parents, then I can be proud of them too, and I have been.

Nonetheless, I never felt any sense of 'belonging' to England. And yet I am proud of my Englishness. I'm proud of being English when I recognise the potential of young people, and don't require them to produce bits of paper or years of experience to prove their worth; I'm proud of being English when I consider men and women as absolute equals; I'm proud of being English when I believe in myself, and in others, and in their ability to achieve what they set out to do, however ambitious.

But I'm also proud of feeling French when I pick mushrooms, or in my attitude to food or alcohol; I'm proud of feeling French when I ski; I'm proud of feeling French when I say hello to the shopkeeper or checkout assistant and 'have a good day' to people I don't know on the telephone; I'm proud of feeling French simply because I speak their language.

I'm proud of feeling Swiss in my attitudes to recycling, the environment and religion; I feel proud to know how to make fondue.

I'm proud of feeling Glaswegian when I can take my friends out for dinner and leave them feeling surprised and happy; I feel a sense of pride - and of belonging - to this city when I can show visitors around and take them to the places I love.

I'm proud of feeling Scottish when I travel in this amazing country; I'm proud of Scotland when I go to the Edinburgh Festival; and I'm ashamed not to feel Scottish when I'm too 'busy' to give my time away freely to others.

And I'm proud to know I'm British when I say thank you to the bus driver as I disembark.

Yes, I'm proud of being English. But my cultural heritage is much wider than that. When people talk about 'us' and 'you', whatever part of my cultural heritage the 'us' refers to, they deny me some part of my identity. And that hurts. Yes, I'm proud to be English, but I also want to be allowed to be proud to feel French, Swiss, Glaswegian and Scottish. And, of course, British. I'm proud to have those multiple influences and perspectives. And, by God, I think I'm right to be proud of that!